Former leaders of ex-gay ministry apologize

From the Los Angeles Times

3 former leaders of ex-gay ministry apologize

They cite psychological harm they caused gays as the ministry, Exodus International, meets in Irvine.

By Rebecca Trounson
Times Staff Writer

June 28, 2007

Three former leaders of Exodus International, often described as the nation's largest ex-gay ministry, publicly apologized Wednesday for the harm they said their efforts had caused many gays and lesbians who believed the group's message that sexual orientation could be changed through prayer.

Speaking at a Hollywood news conference, the former leaders of the interdenominational Christian organization said they had acted sincerely in their years of work with Exodus. But they said they had all, over time, become disillusioned with the group's ideas and concerned about what they described as the wrenching human toll of such gay conversion efforts.

"Sexual orientation isn't a light switch that you can switch on and off"

The news event, in a courtyard outside an office of the Los Angeles Gay & Lesbian Center, was timed to coincide with the opening of Exodus' annual conference, which is being held this week at Concordia University in Irvine. A competing "ex-gay survivor" convention is to begin Friday at UC Irvine.

Exodus' president, Alan Chambers, reached by phone at the meeting in Irvine, said he disagreed with its critics, adding that its methods have helped many people, including him.

"Exodus is here for people who want an alternative to homosexuality," Chambers said. "There are thousands of people like me who have overcome this. I think there's room for more than one opinion on this subject, and giving people options isn't dangerous."

The former leaders from Exodus cast its work in grim terms.

"Some who heard our message were compelled to try to change an integral part of themselves, bringing harm to themselves and their families," the three, including former Exodus co-founder Michael Bussee, said in a joint written statement presented at the news conference. "Although we acted in good faith, we have since witnessed the isolation, shame, fear and loss of faith that this message creates."

Now a licensed family therapist in Riverside, Bussee left Exodus in 1979 after he fell in love with a man who was a fellow ex-gay counselor with the group. He speaks out frequently against ex-gay therapies.

"God's love and forgiveness does indeed change people," said Bussee, who remains an evangelical Christian. "It changed me. It just didn't make me straight."

Others speaking at Wednesday's news conference included Jeremy Marks, former president of Exodus International Europe, and Darlene Bogle, the founder and former director of Paraklete Ministries, an Exodus referral agency based in Hayward, Calif.

All three said they had known people who had tried to change their sexual orientation with the help of the group but had failed, often becoming depressed or even suicidal as a result.

"We are committed Christians, but we're still gay," said Marks, who heads Courage UK, a gay-affirming evangelical ministry based in England.

Among those at the news conference was the Rev. Mel White, founder and president of a faith-based gay rights group called Soulforce. White, who was the ghostwriter for the Rev. Jerry Falwell's autobiography and later came out as gay, praised the former Exodus leaders.

"It's a major moment, a paradigm shift," White said. "They're saying this doesn't work, and that's incredibly important."

The Exodus meeting is expected to attract about 1,000 people, Chambers said. Chambers, who is married and has children, said he and other current Exodus officials are careful to warn those who seek help that such a path is not easy.

Sexual orientation "isn't a light switch that you can switch on and off," he said.

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LATimes reporter: rebecca.trounson@latimes.com

End of the Sopranos: The Mifflement Goes On and On and On ...

Yegods! Okay: David Chase is both brilliant and sadistic. And way cynical. (takes one to know one I guess!)

I've gone back and forth but in the end I think the viewer is whacked — we really don't hear it coming. The P.O.V. of that last shot looking at Tony as he looks up is ours (okay, arguably AJ or Meadow's). But for those of us who don't so much get all the symbolism and self-referential 'in-jokes' -- it always has been about us, we the viewers, being the voyeurs, projecting, identifying with, yearning to be part of 'the family', 'the action.' Thinking we know what we would do in that situation.

So in the end Chase finally allows us to transcend voyeurism to participation.

We got whacked.

I think the onion rings do represent communion. At the time there are only three at the table: Father, Son and Holy Ghost (Carm as the Holy Spirit? Interesting choice). Does Meadow represent the virgin, about to give birth?

Meanwhile, Tony and his families go on and on, the banality and venality of his children following in father's footsteps (and mom's all-too convenient self-delusion and denial) seem well on the way to fruition ... and there still exists the possibility of a Sopranos movie just in case they're ready a few years from now to make a new sh*tload of money.

End of the Sopranos: Is that all there is? (follow up to initial reactions to Made in America)

One Final Post Script (follow up to the previous post which includes an mp3 of Miss Peggy Lee singing"Is That All There Is?"

Chase's brilliance seemingly remains intact after all is said and done. After all, so many of us Sopranos afficionados are still chewing it over, taking second and third and continuing bites from the apple....revisiting, re-thinking, re-analyzing (probably re-watching the repeats?) ... it's even more complex and confounding the more I think about it. More depressing in some ways, in fact.

The final scene: Tony looks up, immediately fade to black, we hear the tinkling of the door as presumably Meadow walks in. Nothing. More. Only dark silence. Was Meadow the last thing Tony saw? Was the tinkling bell Tony's last conscious sound on earth?

Didn't Bobby ask in the first episode of this final season, (a memory Tony recalled just previously in The Blue Comet) while they were sitting in the boat on the lake, something along the lines of "You probably never even hear it when it happens to you do you?" ... In other words, Life fades to black. Period. Shades of Livia. Rebuttal to Tony's peyote-induced claim to Melfi that "there's something else beyond this."

So maybe there is no Sopranos movie after all. Maybe the menacing guy going into the bathroom was an homage to Michael Corleone's initiation into becoming a 'made' guy, committing his first 'official' blood ritual murder in the unforgettable restaurant scene in the Godfather, when Michael the American War Hero became made into his father's family business by retrieving a hidden gun from behind the toilet in the men's restroom, going back into the restaurant and blam! He blows the corrupt police captain and the other mobster guys away. Michael becomes made in America.

Or maybe the title "Made in America" is a sly insider riff on the Sopranos eating out -- for the first and only time I can remember -- in an all-American style cafe -- they're not eating Italian dishes: ziti, chicken parm, pasta with gravy, gabagool -- nothing remotely Italian. It's 'made in America' hamburgers and onion rings at a juke joint (actually an ice cream parlor from what I've read). And earlier, during the discussion about Carlo (insignificant in mytharc, another Chase 'trick'), Tony and his lawyer were eating burgers and fries from the Bada Bing (or wherever they were meeting). And Bobby's funeral -- weren't all the catered dishes shown 'American' only?

But then whaddo I know? Except that the desire to 'get it' to truly understand the point of it all continues for now. Was this a worthwhile JOURNEY* after all? Yeah, sure it was. What is the point if not the journey, the voyage, not merely the destination? Did Chase answer all -- or any -- of our questions? Leave us hanging sadistically? Or encourage us to consider whether the point of the mundane daily struggle is to do more than just exist, more than merely survive while hoping for more than the nihilistic cynicism of Livia Soprano's legacy. Or is Chase's point simply that the mundane IS all there is? And if so that we simply find myriad ways to entertain ourselves, to waste our lives, waste our time on frivolous entertainments? While the David Chases of the world laugh all the way to the bank (and to France, Italy, wherever they buy their European mansions). Who can say?




*(Journey was the band playing on the jukebox -- Carm and Tony's special song from High School if I recall from a long ago episode; the final one ending with the words "Don't Stop" as Tony sharp-cut fades to black)

Initial reactions to Made in America: Is that All There Is? Sopranos Final Episode

First reaction. An initial state of stupefaction (then a slightly fainter echo of Timothy Noah's vehemently expressed opinion already up on Slate (see below for link). Best expressed by the inimitable Miss Peggy Lee.

Press Play to Listen >> Is That All There Is?

Second reaction. It's not so bad. Okay, so there's definitely the extremely strong possibility of leaving the door open for a Sopranos movie. Whew. Chase did end on Journey's Don't Stop Believing, specifically on the words "Don't Stop." Then dead silence. A very interesting choice indeed.

Third reaction. Maybe Chase really is quite cynical about human nature. Darnit. I'm often cynical (cyclically cynical, these days being on the downside what with Bush, Cheney, et al). But it also means I'm mostly okay for now upon realizing that both of Tony's families continue, warts, self-delusions, psychoses and all. Probably getting worse, not better. Did you notice how easily AJ was distracted from such overwhelmingly serious life and death issues to the most superficial, venal and equally corrupt and dehumanizing of ventures as T.'s own enterprises? (i.e., Hollywood; once again Chase having his cake and eating it too).

But then again what 'typical' American parents (especially on either coast) aspiring for their children's futures wouldn't desperately want to talk/manipulate/entice/bribe their precious young childling out of joining any war, especially this immoral gawd-awful, unending, body-maiming, unjust, cursed war?

And being bought off. Well, it's also 'typical' of so many middle/upper middle class/wealthy/privileged/entitled American teens isn't it? How they're socialized? It's what mass media reinforces up the 'Ying Yang' as Tony might say. Meandering if not flitting from one craze or distraction to the next, what with ADHD and the infinite possibilities of so many consumer choices. Consuming, buying, gas-guzzling right along with Mom and Dad, (and all the rest of us). At least that's the message we're left with. Again, pretty cynical of Chase. Crikey. They're supposed to be our future and all that.

And was Tony's cynical view of women as recently discussed with Dr. Melfi about to be 'borne' out with possible news of Meadow's pregnancy??

Tony's self-referential hijacking of the therapy session was a reminder of how uninterrupted his narcissism remains. That was a classic scene with a classic Tony. Worth the price of admission for that scene definitely.

James Wolcott has some interesting first impressions too.

A few quick points about the Sopranos finale: too much overlaying of soundtrack top-40 tunes and TV/movie clips, as if the creatives were trying to cut and paste a thick collage of Added Significance and Cultural Associations, and the reaction shot of the guy puking after ----'s head was melon-squashed by the car wheel was a cheap fillip. And all the A.J. stuff--useless; pointless. Liked the cat, though; it showed commendable poise and dignity in the face of Paulie's patented snarl of churlish hostility and overacting.

...All of the muddle was redeemed by the supreme construction of tension in the diner--such crosscutting!--and its lack of resolution, as if David Chase, chuckling maliciously, was denying forever the audience's desire for climax and catharsis.

I don't agree that the A.J. stuff was ALL useless -- maybe a little too much, but I think it made the point about the cycles of family development, the most venal aspects of growing up in such excessive capitalism, etc. I too loved the cat. Loved it. (Chase's sly foreboding warning to us that only the smile of the Cheshire Cat will remain?)

Then again with so many loose ends (we've learned to expect them from Chase even if we hate them -- like Timothy Noah's most recent Slate post expresses so vociferously), the door is open for future adventures in Soprano-land. For me, for now, that's enough.

At least it wasn't as bad as the horrible Seinfeld finale. Still ... disappointment lingers. Can't help having wanted something more satisfying. Chase seems to have wanted a little to much to tweak Tony's adoring fans and the series loyal viewers. Yeah, a little too much bafungoo from Chase in the end. Ingrate.

Footnote: After what felt like some sort of unsatisfying ambiguously contradictory yet sorta satisfying betrayal by The End of the Sopranos (not completely sure yet if it is but darn if I don't feel a little like Carm right now -- maybe it's a gut-reaction pushback to Chase's choice to force us into Cold Turkey, his having the last laugh...the joke's always on us in Soprano-land isn't it?) -- anyway, John from Cincin-whatever...definitely disappointing. How could it be otherwise?

But wait! What does it all mean? Was Tony whacked? Were we whacked (metaphorically speaking) by Chase? It's looking deeper and more loaded with weighty symbolism and messages all the time. An allegory for us, for our times, for our culture, nation, world all the time.

What if Tony has a conscience after all?

After pondering the End Times aka The Sopranos Series Finale on HBO, entitled "Made in America" -- like so many others who have been on the journey over these past years, what would the most unexpected ending, the least clichéd, least predictable outcome be? After all isn't The Sopranos a brilliant allegory for US -- we the people, the USA?

Yes, it has regional and cultural specificities along with national and universal truths. But with its overarching themes of power, violence, greed, corruption, anxiety, depression, hubris, sex, dreams, hopes, family, lying, self-delusion, the banality of evil, (and so much more) -- hasn't it been entirely American while supremely universal?

Brecht suggested that great art both shapes and reflects. I think it's pretty clear The Sopranos has done both -- not always in positive ways, but not all in negative ways either, not 100% of the time has it been discretely successful moment by moment or story by story, but overall it has indeed illuminated, enlightened and shaped us, US, the USA more than any other.

At the end, I'm not sure Chase & Co can avoid some clichés and some very expected denouement. The Blue Comet proved to have both moments of sharp brilliance and moments of overplayed cliché, and yet it burned brightly and memorably despite some of those shortcomings (see James Wolcott's blog which includes a critique of that episode some of which I completely agree with, but not all -- proving again how subjective it all can be).

Universal themes in art, literature, film...sometimes do reflect the completely expected and anticipated as well as the unanticipated or shocking -- and sometimes human nature is just so damn (depressingly) predictable -- part of what got Tony into therapy in the first place.

And so what about the capacity for redemption? The need for hope in order to continue slogging through the difficulties of life, family, work, relationships, the world. Isn't that part of Tony's life-long struggle? (That maddening struggle -- seven years of which we've witnessed and pondered along with Dr. Jennifer Melfi, the incredible Lorraine Bracco).

So what if in the end (or at this point in the journey) Tony chooses change? Rejects the destruction of violence, the narcissism of sociopathy and decides his conscience is prodding him toward hope, redemption, non-violence, putting others first, protecting his family in a way that puts their complete well-being first now instead of on a quasi- (ostensibly and arguably) equal parallel track with The Family? What if The Family fades into the past and Tony moves into a different future? Can people ever stop lying first to themselves and then to others? Can people with a barely registerable conscience really change? Does Tony have a conscience after all? If so, can Tony Soprano of all people actually change at the deepest level? Were the insights gained and shared with Dr. Melfi REAL or an illusion? Was he merely honing his sociopathic skills or growing his severely developmentally delayed, under-developed conscience?

Who knows? I guess Chase will tell us tonight what his outlook and belief system entail -- for Tony at least. But what about the rest of us? Is Tony's fate our fate too?

I'm not predicting the unexpected. Merely pondering it. And on some level hoping it's possible for T., for Carm, Meadow, AJ -- for US all after these past seven years.








P.S. Wasn't that Yochelson study about incarcerated prisoners? Of course they are motivated to hone their survival (and exit) skills. If I recall correctly, the study was Not about wiseguys initiating and self-seeking therapy. Doesn't that shade things at least somewhat in favor of Tony having something going on deep inside? We shall see.

Buon Viaggio Sopranos, Malaprops and All

Woke Up This Morning (Chosen One Mix).mp3 (4.68 MB)
viaggio felice, buon viaggio Sopranos (hat tip to :: The PlayList ::)

A Handful of Famous Soprano Malapropisms We Have Known and Loved


The Sopranos: First 6-Seasons in Seven Minutes
aka "whacked out" refresher

HBO > Sopranos website