The Home Fires are Burning .... Military Families, Communities are Coming Apart at the Seams

An interesting share from a military town resident during the online chat with Karen de Young of the Washington Post about The War Over The War:

Fort Stewart, Ga.: I saw the President's visit to Iraq. If I didn't know better I'd think the White House believes that public opinion on the war will change when the right image is put up on the TV screen. I just don't get any of this anymore. People ought to come to Hinesville, Ga., and see what is happening here. Drug abuse, wife abuse, problems with kids acting up -- all because parents are gone all the time, because they are never at home. It's tearing this town apart.

Drug abuse, wife abuse, problems with kids acting up -- all because parents are gone all the time, because they are never at home. It's tearing this town apart.

There are reports from all over the country of the devastating toll Bush's Illegal War of Choice is having on military and national guard families as well as the veterans themselves, which much like the Walter Reed scandal will eventually be revealed. More shock and awe.

Technorati Tags: cost of the iraq war, military families, national guard, Fort Stewart GA, effects of the war, shock & awe

To All the Homophobes, Hatemongers & Hypocrites

Gay couple become first in Colorado to adopt children

August 29, 2007

On Monday, Morgan and Evinn had no legal parents. Today, they have two — both moms.

"People say they need a mother and a father ... They had a mother and a father — and they abused them."

"People say, they need two parents. We say, they've got two parents," says Jeannie DiClementi, who along with life partner Mary Ross, have become the first gay couple to adopt children together under a new state law. "This is a victory for children."

Colorado already permitted adoption by married couples or by singles — straight or gay. But for singles with partners, the partner has not been able to adopt unless the couple married, which gays can't legally do in Colorado.

In May, Gov. Bill Ritter signed the so-called second-parent adoption law, which allows same-sex couples, as well as grandparents, aunts, uncles and other relatives, to jointly adopt children.

"This law gives children in a one-parent family a chance to grow up in a two-parent home," Ritter said then. "This law will give children a better chance to succeed."

Morgan, 4, and her 21-month -old sister — Ross' great-nieces — desperately needed another chance. Both kids were severely neglected and abused by their young parents, who preferred playing video games to caring for their children, Ross says.

The girls' mother and father, Ross' nephew, had been on the social service radar for years, but efforts to help them proved futile.

how many special-needs children have they adopted? How many of them are foster parents to children who have been neglected and abused? People want to take away the ability for same sex couples to adopt, but I've yet to hear anybody put a plan in place to protect the children

In August 2005, Adams County caseworkers tracked down Ross, 45, and DiClementi, 57, who had moved from Colorado to Fort Wayne, Ind. for new jobs.

At that point, they were the only family members with the resources and stabilitiy to take the girls.

Would they take a special-needs child? And her baby sister, who had serious medical problems?

The couple didn't hesitate.

"Sisters should be together," says DiClementi, a clinical psychologist and associate professor at Purdue University.

By May 2006, both children were living with them in Indiana. But last December, a judge ordered the kids back to Colorado, saying that the county had failed to properly document parental abuse.

"We went through the ceiling. It was unbelievable," DiClementi says. Ross, a social worker, quit her job and left graduate school to move back to Colorado with the children. With the help of friends, who donated furniture and toys, the couple maintained two homes, with DiClementi traveling to Denver every few weeks.

In February, a court-appointed advocate for the children presented the judge with evidence that their birth mother had posted their photos on a Web site she maintained featuring bondage, sadomasochism and violent sex. Both parents subsequently gave up their parental rights, clearing the way for DiClementi and Ross to adopt the girls, which became official Tuesday.

"People say, well, they need a mother and a father," DiClementi says. "They had a mother and a father — and they abused them."

Although the girls have thrived with them, it hasn't been easy. Morgan, who repeatedly banged her head and clawed herself when she first came to them, is still prone to self-injury and has various developmental delays. Evinn suffered a stroke before birth and has respiratory trouble and other physical problems.

"I want to ask some of those critics (of the law), how many special-needs children have they adopted? How many of them are foster parents to children who have been neglected and abused? People want to take away the ability for same sex couples to adopt, but I've yet to hear anybody put a plan in place to protect the children," DiClementi says. "For them, it's not about the children. It's about the politics."

For Ross and DiClementi, it's about making sure two little girls have emotional and financial security if something happens to one of their parents. It's about being able to travel home to Indiana and back to Colorado without asking permission from a court or a county.

It's about being able to tell people proudly, "These are our daughters."

source: RockyMountainNews.com

What if Tony has a conscience after all?

After pondering the End Times aka The Sopranos Series Finale on HBO, entitled "Made in America" -- like so many others who have been on the journey over these past years, what would the most unexpected ending, the least clichéd, least predictable outcome be? After all isn't The Sopranos a brilliant allegory for US -- we the people, the USA?

Yes, it has regional and cultural specificities along with national and universal truths. But with its overarching themes of power, violence, greed, corruption, anxiety, depression, hubris, sex, dreams, hopes, family, lying, self-delusion, the banality of evil, (and so much more) -- hasn't it been entirely American while supremely universal?

Brecht suggested that great art both shapes and reflects. I think it's pretty clear The Sopranos has done both -- not always in positive ways, but not all in negative ways either, not 100% of the time has it been discretely successful moment by moment or story by story, but overall it has indeed illuminated, enlightened and shaped us, US, the USA more than any other.

At the end, I'm not sure Chase & Co can avoid some clichés and some very expected denouement. The Blue Comet proved to have both moments of sharp brilliance and moments of overplayed cliché, and yet it burned brightly and memorably despite some of those shortcomings (see James Wolcott's blog which includes a critique of that episode some of which I completely agree with, but not all -- proving again how subjective it all can be).

Universal themes in art, literature, film...sometimes do reflect the completely expected and anticipated as well as the unanticipated or shocking -- and sometimes human nature is just so damn (depressingly) predictable -- part of what got Tony into therapy in the first place.

And so what about the capacity for redemption? The need for hope in order to continue slogging through the difficulties of life, family, work, relationships, the world. Isn't that part of Tony's life-long struggle? (That maddening struggle -- seven years of which we've witnessed and pondered along with Dr. Jennifer Melfi, the incredible Lorraine Bracco).

So what if in the end (or at this point in the journey) Tony chooses change? Rejects the destruction of violence, the narcissism of sociopathy and decides his conscience is prodding him toward hope, redemption, non-violence, putting others first, protecting his family in a way that puts their complete well-being first now instead of on a quasi- (ostensibly and arguably) equal parallel track with The Family? What if The Family fades into the past and Tony moves into a different future? Can people ever stop lying first to themselves and then to others? Can people with a barely registerable conscience really change? Does Tony have a conscience after all? If so, can Tony Soprano of all people actually change at the deepest level? Were the insights gained and shared with Dr. Melfi REAL or an illusion? Was he merely honing his sociopathic skills or growing his severely developmentally delayed, under-developed conscience?

Who knows? I guess Chase will tell us tonight what his outlook and belief system entail -- for Tony at least. But what about the rest of us? Is Tony's fate our fate too?

I'm not predicting the unexpected. Merely pondering it. And on some level hoping it's possible for T., for Carm, Meadow, AJ -- for US all after these past seven years.








P.S. Wasn't that Yochelson study about incarcerated prisoners? Of course they are motivated to hone their survival (and exit) skills. If I recall correctly, the study was Not about wiseguys initiating and self-seeking therapy. Doesn't that shade things at least somewhat in favor of Tony having something going on deep inside? We shall see.