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Monday, March 05, 2007

Headline! Breaking News! Chris Matthews Pronounces Barack Obama 'Sufficiently Black' for African Americans!

Well Bless my southern biscuit soul! One of the whitest most privileged entitled elite know-it-all honky commentators (we'll get to two-faced hypocrite in due time) says as of today that presidential candidate and U.S. Senator Barack Obama is now black enough after being in Selma and talking like a black southern baptist preacher. I'm so very sure Whitey Matthews has heard (much less actually knows) lots of black preachers of any denomination. They're probably his 'best friends'!

Aren't you glad Chris "Spitball" Matthews is so informed about what it means to be Black in America these days that he can tell the rest of us -- especially African American citizens and voters?

And he can do this -- apparently with no sense of his overweening ego -- because after all he is just so very informed and aware of blackness and identity -- he's such a culturally informed fellow that he is now THE all-knowing arbiter and definer (and decider) of such nuanced, complex and political subjects such as black cultural identity in Amerikkka. We'll have to wait, but we can presume he knows everything about Latino and Asian culture (among others) as well.

Yes Spitball is the same guy who fell in love with GW Shrub Bush and pronounced him the kind of potent leader America needed! A real man's man! A decisive decider! Oh, but that was just after 9-11 (and the seven-minute goat story), just after they created fake intelligence stories in order to bomb the hell out of Iraq, and right around the time Shrub announced "Mission Accomplished."

Chris was squealingly orgasmic when Shrub appeared with his flight-suit man-codpiece all hitched up. Here's what Spitball gushed after the Mission Accomplished photo-op:
President Bush looked good in that flight suit. Damn good. Very masculine, if you know what I mean. I mean, is there a Democratic candidate who would look that manly?
White-ball just slurps up that manly stuff -- well only if they're white men of course. And what is his obsession with Hillary Clinton? A racial-, sexual- and gender- identity obsessed privileged elite white man? -- gee what a shock. Can you say INSECURE and FEELING a bit THREATENED? Maybe it's simply that Classic white patriarchal knee-jerk response when women and people of color begin to shake things up even a little bit. White-ball probably has a really really teeny little one.

Here's the truth: Barack Obama can out-president and out-lead Shrub's six-plus years in one single day. And he doesn't need Chris Spitball wingnut Misinformer to pronounce him as sufficiently anything. Barack Obama has more manliness, leadership qualities and inner security as a strong black/biracial/American man in his little finger than Spitball has in his entire pathetic flaccid corporeal history.

In case you haven't noticed, Whitey Spitball is full of SH*T but that doesn't stop him from deciding who is of worth and value even when he has no clue about ... much of anything; he just likes to hear himself spout off -- Murphy's Law on full display. Whitey-ball is one of those people who 'know the cost of everything and the value of nothing' -- unlike the brilliant Senator Obama.

In fact, Matthews was named Media Matters MisInformer of the Year for 2005. He's on the path to repeat for 2007 I'd venture to guess.

Haw! That corporate-media-flack know-it-all white guy -- isn't he just the ever-lovin' limit? He just takes himself too seriously. Seriously.

Hat-tip to Boiling Mad

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